Laugh Dammit!

I forgot she was blonde, and she thought the stop light wuz the street signs (Walk & Don't Walk)
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Ralph and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Ralph suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed
there.
Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled him out.
When the Head Nurse Director became aware of Edna's heroic act, she immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital as she now considered her to be mentally stable.
When she went to tell Edna the news, she said, "Edna, I have good news and bad news." The good news is you're being discharged since you were able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of the person you love.
I have concluded that your act displays sound mindedness.
The bad news is, Ralph hung himself in the bathroom with his bathrobe belt right after you saved him... I am so sorry,... but he's dead."
Edna replied... "He didn't hang himself, I put him there to dry."
"How soon can I go home?"

OOOOOOOOOOH!!!! [img]wink.gif[/img] [img]tongue.gif[/img]

In Pharmacology, all drugs have two names, a trade name and generic name. For example, the trade name of Tylenol also has a generic name of Acetaminophen. Aleve is also called Naproxen. Amoxil is also call Amoxicillin and Advil is also called Ibuprofen.
The FDA has been looking for a generic name for Viagra. After careful consideration by a team of government experts, it recently announced that it has settled on the generic name of Mycoxafloppin. Also considered were Mycoxafailin, Mydixadrupin, Mydixarizin, Dixafix, and of course, I bepokin.
Pfizer Corp. announced today that Viagra will soon be available in liquid form, and will be marketed by Pepsi Cola as a power beverage suitable for use as a mixer. It will now be possible for a man to literally pour himself a stiff one. Obviously we can no longer call this a soft drink, and it gives new meaning to the names of "cocktails", "highballs" and just a good old-fashioned "stiff drink". Pepsi will market the new concoction by the name of: MOUNT & DO.

Thought for the day: There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today than on Alzheimer's research. This means that by 2040, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.

OMG...this is priceless...I can't stop laughing at Cocksaflopin-Bepokin-highballs (AH YOU SAID BALLS)...sadly though the last statement will probably ring true!!!

Those were hilarious!!! **wiping tears** Oh geez. I had to e-mail those to my office mate because she could not figure out why i was giggling.

I definitely needed a good, HARD laugh.

HAHAHA SHE SAID HARD...HE SAID COCK HAHAHAHA

A Texas Tech graduate, a University of Texas grad and a Texas Aggie were sitting in a bar in San Antonio. The view of the river was fantastic, the beer was ice cold and the food exceptional.
"But," said the guy from Tech, "I still prefer the beer joints back in Lubbock. There's one place where the owner goes out of his way for the locals. When you buy 4 beers, he will buy the 5th."
The Longhorn said "Well, at my local bar in Austin, the owner will buy your 3rd drink after you've bought 2."
"Hell, that's nothin'," the Aggie responded. "Back in College Station there's this bar where the moment you set foot in the place they'll buy you a drink and keep them coming all night. Then when you've had enough to drink, they take you upstairs and see that you get laid. And it's all on the house."
The Red Raider and the Longhorn immediately doubted the Aggie's claims. "And this actually happened to you?" asked the Tech grad.
No, not myself personally," admitted the Aggie. "But it did happen to my sister."

oh my :0

A golfer stood over his tee shot for what seemed an eternity. Looking up, looking down, measuring the distance, figuring the wind direction and speed. Looking up again, then down.

Finally, his exasperated partner says, "What's taking so long? Hit the darn ball!"

The guy looks up and answers, "My wife is up there watching me from the club house. I want to make this a perfect shot." Once again he begins setting up his shot.

"Forget it, man," shouts his partner. "You'll NEVER hit her from here!"

Jesse took his blind date to the carnival. "What would you like to do first, Amber?" asked Jesse. "I want to get weighed," replied Amber.

They ambled over to the weight guesser. He guessed 120 pounds. She got on the scale; it read 117 and she won a prize.

Next, the couple went on the Ferris Wheel. When the ride was over, Jesse again asked Amber what she would like to do. "I want to get weighed," she said.

Back to the weight guesser they went. Since they had been there before, he guessed her correct weight, and Jesse lost his dollar.

The couple walked around the carnival and again he asked where to next. "I want to get weighed," Amber responded.

By this time, Jesse figured that she was really weird and took her home early, dropping her off with a handshake.

Her roommate, Laura, asked her about the blind date, "How did it go?" Amber responded, "Oh, Waura. It was wousy."